Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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