I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
