To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
