OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
