I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
