Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
