This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize