Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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