I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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