Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
