I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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