Betty ford says i'm here all night
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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