You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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