So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
