He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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