I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
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