East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
