i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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