Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She's the barista slut.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
