oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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