just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
