He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
