just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
