dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
