So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
