You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize