this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
