he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
