Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
