My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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