bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize