"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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