Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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