She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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