So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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