he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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