it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
