I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
