Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
