So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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