I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
