she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Randomize
