I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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