im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
