Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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