News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
