Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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