Pappa wants mamma naked
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
im holly from the hills drunk
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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