He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
