I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
