The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Randomize
