I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
