do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
