And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
