Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
