I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
