I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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