Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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