I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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