How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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