Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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