I'm gonna have a badass scar
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
