loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
