I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
