No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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