I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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