OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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