Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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