He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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