But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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