i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
