Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
