Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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