yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
